Julie R Fricke

“Hon! I’m going out! I’m taking Ol’ Max out to stretch his legs. Poor old guy is getting awfully lazy these days. Look, he’s been sleeping over there in his corner all morning. He needs the exercise. Maybe I’ll see how Jim is doing over at the donut shop”

Bob, the guy I live with, opens the closet door and lifts a leash off the hook. I hear the jingle of metal links. I lift my head and suck in the delightfully musty odor of old jackets and last winter’s shoes. Ahhh. “Arf!” I shout. “Arf, arf, arf!” I bound up to Bob and thwack my tail back and forth with enthusiasm.

“Look, Hon, he still loves his walk as much as ever.” Bob reaches into the closet and takes out a hideous yellow plaid flannel shirt. He slips his sausage –like arms into the sleeves and then hitches up his trousers. Bob, whose body type could best be described as "ticking-time-bomb,” adjusts his belt under his gut. He then clips the leash onto my collar and encourages me, “Here, Boy!” We head to the door. My toenails click across the wooden floor with anticipation.

He opens the front door and brilliant yellow sunshine spills in onto the floor. The fresh morning air swirls in, nearly causing me to swoon with pleasure. Damp earth, new grass, and the smell of the orange tree next door all call enticingly to me. Bob steps outside and groans slightly as he gingerly takes the three steps down to the ground level. “Oooh,” he grunts. Oh boy! I think. “Arrf!

I glance up into the oak tree. Yep, there’s the squirrel I’ve been eying all year. Silly rodent! Tucking away acorns all year. I wonder if he awaited spring the way I’ve been counting the minutes until it was time for our walk? First I waited through the smells and gurgling of mountain-grown, Colombian free-trade coffee being brewed. Then it was the hissing of applewood bacon frying. I’m sure Bob thought I was too busy napping to have any idea what was going on, but that, of course, is patently absurd. Might as well catch a few zzzzs while I wait, but believe me, I was watching that clock tick through every one of those 3600 seconds every hour since 6 am. 14400 seconds is a damn long time. Especially while being tortured by the tantalizing smells of ambient bacon aromas!

I rush over to the fence post by the sidewalk. Sniffing fervently, I determine that the guy down the street who smokes a cigar while he walks his dog has been by here within the last 20 minutes. His dog, Rex, has recently been to the vet to get his shots. Egad! His urine smells awful! I surely hope that I won’t be subjected to a similar fate! But, I’m sure I will. Bob’s no genius, but he does take good care of me. Rats.

Hmmm, I think the Smiths had fried eggs for breakfast this morning. That smells good! Oh! And what’s that aroma from across the street? Could it be? Chocolate chip cookies with walnuts baking? I love the smell of cookies. Bob never lets me have any, but they surely do smell good!

Oh! Here’s a pile of something quite interesting. I think Rex must have had some hamburgers last night. I had a hamburger once. It wasn’t bad at all. Of course I wasn’t too fond of the pickles or the mustard, but the catsup was OK, even though I normally don’t like cats. (hah, hah. That’s a cat joke. LOL)

I march energetically along. Bob’s agonized pace works well for me for this gives me time to take in all the sights and smells along the way. I can hit about four fascinating points of interest while he lumbers along. Here I detect that a cottontail rabbit lingered briefly. Yep, there’s the spoor. Those distinctive little greenish black pellets are easy to find with this nose. Oh yuck, that disgusting hairy Persian cat sat here. That creature has the ugliest face on the planet.

Wait! I have an itch! I sit down and reach my hind right leg up to scratch at my ear. My collar jingles like a Christmas parade. Good thing Bob made sure I got my monthly dose of imidacloprid. (That's "Advantage" to you newbies.). I hate fleas! Fortunately this is just an itch! Now Bob is pulling me forward. Dag-nabbit, doesn’t he know I can’t concentrate when my ear is all itchy?

Oh, Sweet Jeebus. Here comes that idiotic neighbor of Bob’s. She’s such a flirt. But it’s worth it because she has that cute little Chihuahua, the one she calls Bella!! Whoa, I really, REALLY think she’s cute…and I don’t mean the two- legged one. Unfortunately, we really aren’t well suited for each other. Even though she smells absolutely DELICIOUS, she’s shorter than my ankles. What a cruel fate! We are soul mates! I hate to think of the back trouble I would suffer if …never mind. We’re both “fixed” as they say. But a guy can dream, can’t he?

Gosh, I wonder if Bob is thinking similar thoughts about the flirty, idiot neighbor? I’m appalled! Listen to him asking her inane questions about the garden she planted! I know Bob hates gardens! What a dweeb!

But gardens! I love gardens! And this one actually has lovely manure on it!! Oh happy day. Bella tells me that this family is getting geared up for a wedding. I suppose they’d really be upset if I put something nasty on their new, pristine lawn. Hah, I think I will! OK, I’m going to do it right over here next to the camellia bush. I could put some more over here by the lobelia. C’mon, Bella! This is great!

Wait, Bob, stop pulling me over! You shouldn’t have been ignoring me while you fawned over that idiot flirt! I can’t help it if you get all distracted! And Bella and I have so much more to discuss! Oh crap. Now we’re going home.

***

“Hi Hon; we’re back. Nah, nothing much is going on out there. It's just another boring day in the neighborhood. Yeah, I saw Jim briefly. His arthritis is kicking up. No, sorry I didn’t pick up a newspaper. I did see Mrs. Jones. She’s getting some landscaping put in. Oh, you wanted the newspaper so you could line the bird cage? Maybe I’ll pick one up later.”

Ahh. Now I’ll get back to my nap. Bella and I were talking about tomorrow when it will be trash day. Such anticipation! I guess that will be another 86,400 seconds I’ll have to wait. But it will be worth the wait! And Bella will be there! She can fill me in on what’s happening over on Fremont Street!